Christmas Blues

I'm not in the Holiday spirit. Hopefully decorating will have me feeling better. I don't think we were going to do the whole get up this year, but it was feeling so drab yesterday that I decided to put up the tree.

A lot of people my age are dealing with horrible self-esteem. I know what that feels like. I used to compare myself to other women all the time. I learned about self-acceptance and progressed. I still have my unavoidable days when I'm not feeling the greatest about my physical self. However, I have come across women who have a downright unhealthy perception of their body. I try and reason with them but it doesn't soak through. I am not a professional, but I try my best. It's really bad when someone not only hates their body but their face. I don't know, man, but women who lack proper self-esteem turn into mothers who project their insecurities unto their daughters. It's a continuous cycle. I wish I knew how to combat this.

Setbacks

A week ago my dad left to Jamaica to oversee some work on the house that him and my momma are building. When I went to Jamaica a couple months ago, the house was well underway, taking shape, and evolving into what my parents envisioned, my dad especially. Early Friday morning my dad calls my mom and says that 25-30 bags of cement has been stolen from the foyer part of the house. My mom was of course devastated because they've both been putting a lot of money into the house. We don't know if it's one of the construction workers who tipped off the thieves, or if the thieves are one of the workers, or if they saw the materials when they were being unloaded. These men came during the night. When my dad and his family heard the ruckus when they were driving off, they signaled folks in the neighborhood to block the roads, but the thrives ended up taking a different route.

If all of that stress wasn't enough, the thieves came back last night hoping to steal more of the bags of cement. All the dogs in the neighborhood started barking and everyone woke up. Luckily, my dad boarded up the storage area this time. These thieves are determined. It's especially scary because my family's home house is literally a yard across from the construction site. These people are brazen and it's disgusting to think folks are willing to steal from their community.

My family is from a rural area and police is twenty five minutes away if you drive fast. Consequentially, folks are left to fend for themselves a lot. Thefts and robberies are nothing new to any part of Jamaica. Some of my people are downright violent. I pray that my dad stays safe and comes home soon. I've been trying to keep my mom calm because the slightest unwanted news sends her into a worrying frenzy, her blood pressure gets dangerously high and it's downhill from there. Im praying that God watches over my family, that the materials will be put to use quick, and everyone remains safe.

I came back from Jamaica Sunday night after spending six days there. My mom's sister-in-law passed away two weeks ago, so we went for the funeral proceedings. My trip was good. Jamaicans mourn differently, we celebrate the person's life, rather than cry.

I'm back in school. I've spent most of this week making up papers and starting up clubs and activities. Life is good, I can't complain.

YSL and Bantu knots

I've been researching Ayurveda a lot. I'm incorporating elements of it into my hair regimen and hopefully it will extend to wellness. I henna'd my hair yesterday and followed with an indigo treatment. After, I did a bantu knot-out.






I splurged on Yves Saint Laurent lipstick in fetish pink from their rouge volupte line. I've been really into lipsticks lately. My order got to my house extremely fast. It took two or three days at most with regular shipping.

Fashion Africana

Ankara Fabrics are so lovely. There's an African fabric store close to me, I see a altered Kaba (West African dress) in the near future

Good to have her (Felicia) as a friend.

Soon after my return from Toronto my internship ended.

Initially, my nerves were threatening to derail me when I started. I knew I had gotten the job out of all the applicants for a reason; my application, interview, resume, and essay was thorough, but I was still nervous after I accepted the offer. I was the prototype and I knew I had to set the bar high. I was participating in a program that was named after one of the oldest and most influential partners in the firm that had passed on. So after continuous cups of chamomile tea the first week, I became more self-assured.

The exposure, interactions, and work I have done over the last weeks have been invaluable to me. I now know that I don’t have to tie myself down to one thing, I can really do everything that interests me. This has truly been a great summer for opportunities, and I am without a doubt thankful for all of them.



My first time trying red velvet at my farewell party. So good.

Oh Toronto, How I Love Thee

I've been doing a horrible job updating, but my adventures are keeping me busy. I spent about five days in Toronto from July 27th to August 3, with a few hours in NYC. It was one of the highlight moments of my summer. The first time I went to Canada was back in 2003, and at that time I was too young to really appreciate the city at its surrounding areas. Caribana was even better than I thought it would be. It was even more fun because my cousin got us into the parade.

Toronto is such a refreshing difference compared to Connecticut. There is true diversity. I loved the restaurants, "street cars", people, and most of all the shopping. There stores are huge. They have two H&Ms in their downtown area, both are three floors. The thrift stores are lovely also (I got Levi's for $10). I can go on and on, but I'll end it here. i had a great time.

Sometimes my little adventures are all that's keeping me sane.

Tone, Tone, and more Toning

So I've lost even more weight, most due to being a vegetarian, and rest is attested to Zumba and my walking craze. However, I want to tone up, specifically my arms and stomach. I have my mother's thick arms, but I don't it's genetic (?). I tried on clothes for my trip, that I haven't worn since last year, and there's a noticeable difference. A lot of people have been telling I've lost weight for months, but my response has mostly been meh.

Now, I'm starting to see it's substantial. I'm going to need that same discipline that I used to transition to vegetarianism to go through with this. I was using my school's weight room to tone up, but I haven't been on campus for weeks, the gym hasn't seen me for more than a month and a half.

Needless to say, I now have a healthy body image. Now and again I might think, "Why does one boob look wayy larger than the other." Then, I remember, one breast is ALWAYS bigger than the other. Anyway, mission engaged.

The last three weeks have been dedicated to getting accustomed to work. In late May, I applied for an internship position at a law firm in my city. After later research, I found out that it was a large law firm on the East Coast. Anyway, after my essay and interview, I got the job. This well give me more insight into the practice of law, and whether I want to pursue the field. As soon as I was done with one internship, I started another.

I like work. It involves a lot of thinking, networking, and level-headedness. It's professional and constructed. However, the associates, partners, and staff are friendly and down-to-earth.

I have the usual; my own office, company phone, email, placard and the whole bit. I'm such a noob sometimes. I refuse to decorate my office with embarrassing pictures. lol, I'm really simple most times.

This Week In Review 13-18

This week has been so hectic, but it was all worth it. Graduation season was coming to a close; so in total, I attended four graduations. It was like a constant rotation of work, events, and graduation ceremonies, sometimes on the same day. I'm tired, but getting to see my friends and family happy has been worth it.





My final graduation, my own school's. I was one of the ushers for my school. It was great to see all my friends graduating. Here, I'm with some of my friends who attended and ushered.


A little Gardening with my mom.


At my bro's graduation, so proud of him!


I was a nominee for one of the awards given out by my agency. We had a lovely breakfast at The Farmington Club. This is me with the organization's Execs. "who are all those old guys you are posing with?" That's what my mom said, lol.




That same day. after work, I had to leave immediately and go to my best friend's graduation. So proud of her also.

Lastly, I can't forget one of my favorite cousins who graduated. She has been through so much this past year, and I'm really proud of her for sticking to it, and ending this phase of her educational career on a good note.

Great Week!

Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust by Immaculee Ilibagiza

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


When I first read "Left To Tell", I was only thirteen years old going on fourteen. One of my classmates gave it to me, so I thought why not. I could not put this book down. I was so totally and utterly engrossed that of my daily routines and ritualistic nuances became irrelevant. This story is about strength, forgiveness, and courage in the most horrid of circumstances.

As someone who has always been interested in World Affairs, I had heard of the Rwanadan Genocide before, but never in this context. The information that I got from CNN was all numbers, fact sheets, and statistics that rub you in all the wrong places. This book is about survival and the human connection. You don't have to believe in God; all you need to believe in is determination and the drive to continue when there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

I found myself recommending this book last night, after meeting the First Lady and ambassador to Ghana. Their determination and faith made me remember "Left To Tell." I had to recommend this book. It's also why I'm just now doing a review years after I've read it.



View all my reviews

Wishy washy

If there's one thing that upsets me, it's when someone says something but does another. You say you miss me, but you don't make the effort. Just when I was steady getting along, being among the ones who love me, you decide to erode the balance I was trying to create. Yes, we both have mutual feelings of sentimental bliss for each other, but if the effort is one-sided, there's no point. Now, is there?

Summer Concert Starter

Last night I went to Hot Jam 10 and saw J. Cole & Lupe Fiasco. I rarely use exclamation marks, but lawd(!!!). I was so hyped last night, especially, considering the fact that I had floor seats. Man, last night was great. What was even better was the company of my three friends and my cousin. It was lovely really. J. Cole opened the show and I thought I was going to go bonkers. I was going bonkers at J. Cole's performance, but I was just nuts at Lupe's act. And if that wasn't enough, the line up was jam packed: Big Sean, Jeremih, Juelz Santana, Trey Songz, DJ Khaled, New Boyz, Fabolous, Ace Hood & Jim Jones. Not all the performers were my usual listening line up, but I was there to have a good time; No pretentious "conscious Hip-Hop lover" badge on. Last night really made up for my lackluster and horrid birthday a couple weeks back, so I'm looking forward for what this summer has in store for me.

Summer Teaser

Sun beamin', skin glowin'

Gil Scott-Heron

Gil Scott-Heron
Rest in Peace is truly a morbid formality, so I'll just say, live on through us.

I was blessed to be introduced to this fine fellow three years ago by my boss who was really into Hip-Hop and Jazz. Gil had a style of his own, a definitive, revolutionary style.

Continue in light.

Despite of everything I have been trying to exercise patience, strength, and gratefulness. And believe me, I have. How can everything be going right but oh so wrong at the same time. The days leading up to my birthday and the actual day of my birthday was the worst day of the year thus far. I'm working hard. I'm trying to enlighten myself and be a good person, but I feel so unappreciated. I'm usually never the woe is me type, but I can't even shake this. I've been trying to even out my highs and my lows, but everytime I'm high, something comes and shatters the optimism I've been trying to construct. And God knows that I'm grateful for all the good things that have been happening to me, and all the opportunities that I've been presented. I'm just praying for strength and clarity because I feel weak both physically and emotionally. I've been tested so many times these past months that I feel drained I just don't know. I hope this can be a motivating time for me. This school year is almost over and I'm praying that I'll be lifted out of my distress and finish it off.

I hate street harassment and the fact that I was followed tonight is really getting to my soul.