Exposed Zipper

I'm looking through past outfits I've worn, and I noticed I never posted this. I wore this in the summer, and I really enjoyed it. It was nice and sexy. I loved the exposed zipper and the nice kind of tribal designs. It had that kind of rustic look, but yet very feminine. I paired it with a pair of black studded flats. I'm wearing no make-up here, it was beyond hot, and make up and heat doesn't mix too well.

Summertime

I miss you with a fierceness that cannot be explained. I miss having conversations for a whole day. I miss getting a couple hours of sleep between 1-3 a.m., seeing his text message(s) and texting him to see if he was still up, and then going back to sleep stubbornly. I miss waking up for work at 6:45 a.m. and having all the energy in the world. I miss older women asking me for fashion advice in the skinny jeans section of the store. I miss smiling all the time and having people ask about me because of it. I miss chillin’ on my roof for hours, eyes low, the sun burning my skin, and sweat forming at the crease where my arm meets my forearm. I miss the sun illuminating my legs for the first time; finding beauty marks I never knew existed. I miss meeting new people. I miss lunches at P. F. Chang’s with my homegirl. I miss having conversations with her where I would trade breasts with her in return for some “Ms Fat Booty” ass. I miss going for jogs in the historic neighborhood. I miss feeling the beat of music pulsating through my temples. I miss being in Jamaica and talking to all the people I grew up with. I miss the trees, air, food, attitude, beaches, weed tea, beauty, and most of all, my family.

Dear Summer, you were so good to me. I feel like I haven’t properly addressed you yet. I miss you because it was the first time my mental age was reflected through my physical self. I learned that it was okay to get into some shenanigans. It was the first time I truly lived. I pushed buttons, and almost crossed the line, but I won’t take any of it back because that’s when I was happiest. And now, it’s cold. December winds and rain don’t conjure up the same sentiments I had for you, Summer. And I’m left asking myself: Am I the only one who feels this way? Your ultraviolet rays did something to me.

Dear Summer, I miss you, you’re coming back, right?

What Now

I think I've neglected this blog long enough. I mean, during the Spring and weeks leading up to Summer, I had so much inspiration, but now, I'm camera-less and I don't really know what to do with this blog. As of late, there has been a lot of venting, but I don't want this to be a place to discard all the bad stuff. I dislike being unhappy, because so much of my time is spent being optimistic, so I feel like sadness defeats the purpose of being happy.

Anyway, I never really meant for this to be solely a beauty blog. It just so happened that at the time I was really into fashion and make up, I still am, but now to a lesser degree. I started this blog to share things I like, document thoughts, and just talk about day-to-day things, mostly for future reference. I want to look back and see growth in myself: spiritually, emotionally, physically. Some wonderful things have been happening to me as of late, but unfortunately, the bad moments have overshadowed those things. It's time to start sharing and talking about them.

In the mean time, I'm going to do a make up tutorial this weekend. If you look at the first page of my blog, you see some make up looks. I think they are easy, and I use products that are a affordable. A few of them might be a little pricey, but they are good. I'm not sure how the tutorial itself will go, because I don't have one of those fancy $900 cameras (I'm going to use my webcam), but I hope, with good lighting, it will turn out decent.

I'm back, guys. Hello. What did I miss?

I just need to write something...
There is so much frustration in me right now. I feel like I'm going to burst. I do so much for people around me, but my actions are never appreciated or reciprocated. My mother is the one who is quick to say I'm selfish and self-centered, but I'm the one who is keeping everything together! I help her with her finances, I babysit, I clean, I sacrifice my time for self for her and the family but I'm always the bad guy. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it. But, I'm always trying to find ways to keep things together. Every time I say I'm done, guilt always bring me back. I don't know when to quit because I'm working with people who cause me so much pain, but we have that blood tie.

I'm tired for being blamed for things that have nothing to do with me. Anytime I need something, it's always a problem. The smallest things turn into an argument. If I'm standing a certain way it's a problem, if my facial expression is a certain way it's a problem. Everything is a problem. I'm tired of being sick and tired. I work, I get good grades, I haven't done anything to dishonor the name of my family. I haven't given them any reason to not be proud of me. Yet, the things I do go unappreciated.

Like right now, my mom just had one of her fits, and her anger wasn't directedt to the person who should have got it, instead, I get all of it.

Sometimes I just want to leave and not come back. I try so hard to remain positive and optimistic, but what's the good in trying so hard to improve things with people who are so uncaring.

Deep Blue Sea

I did this look before, a while ago actually, but during the summer I made some changes to it. I used my Urban Decay Primer Potion, which really the best primer out for basing the eyelids when using bright colors. I like this one better than the first time. Plus, the lighting is better than last time.

*I'm wearing two different tank tops because I couldn't decide which one to wear that day. I'm so indecisive.

Playing catch up.

I didn't know that not blogging for a couple months would throw me out of the loop so much, but it has. I'm trying to catch up on all my favorite blogs and such. I know that I haven't been posting any creative content as of late but my camera has seen the end of its days. It met with the parking lot of Best Buy's and haven't been alive since.

I need that camera to take OOTD pics or makeup photos. I have the money to buy a new camera but you know how it is when money is just sitting around. Or maybe that's just me. Now that I think of it, I haven't been wearing much makeup. I usually just wear a bare face with mascara, liquid liner, and lip gloss. I like creative makeup looks but I haven't been doing much of that lately. It mostly has to do with a lack of inspiration and time.

School is making it increasingly hard for me to have a life, nowadays. But I can't really see it any other way. School is my number one priority. Anyway, I guess the main point of this is: I'm trying to get caught up with everyone's blog, so bare with me.

By the way, Iza is currently doing a blog giveaway. So scroll over there (http://theiza.blogspot.com/?zx=f56509d5d806c4d9, I don't know how to link on blogspot, :() and enter. It's easy. Just post a comment with some facts that no one would know about you from reading your blog, your email, and of course you have to follow her blog. Okay, bye for now, loves. The creativity will start flowing again.

Big Chop

I know that I've been M.I.A for a very long time now. I never expected this hiatus to be so long. A lot has happened. From starting my job to going on vacation to working on some needed self-improvements. Over the course of these few months I've come to a lot of realizations. Learned a lot and decided to try new things.

Something new that I did was get the Big Chop. This was after more than a year of transitioning back to my natural hair. Inches of my hair have been chopped off, to reveal my natural curls, kinks, and waves. I'm loving it. This is not to say that everyone approved of it. My mother does not like it. I'm hoping that she'll come to like it but I'm starting to convince myself that her harsh opinions shouldn't stop be from appreciating this huge step that I've made.

This is a big change for me. Nevertheless, it's a welcomed one. I'm in the process of finding different styles to experiment with. So, this is the now.