Despite of everything I have been trying to exercise patience, strength, and gratefulness. And believe me, I have. How can everything be going right but oh so wrong at the same time. The days leading up to my birthday and the actual day of my birthday was the worst day of the year thus far. I'm working hard. I'm trying to enlighten myself and be a good person, but I feel so unappreciated. I'm usually never the woe is me type, but I can't even shake this. I've been trying to even out my highs and my lows, but everytime I'm high, something comes and shatters the optimism I've been trying to construct. And God knows that I'm grateful for all the good things that have been happening to me, and all the opportunities that I've been presented. I'm just praying for strength and clarity because I feel weak both physically and emotionally. I've been tested so many times these past months that I feel drained I just don't know. I hope this can be a motivating time for me. This school year is almost over and I'm praying that I'll be lifted out of my distress and finish it off.

I hate street harassment and the fact that I was followed tonight is really getting to my soul.

Update

I start my internship on Wednesday. It turns out that our training was extended for some logistical matters, but things turned out okay. Interviewed on Friday, and got word today that I start Wednesday. I’ve been so fortunate to have had all paid internships in the past, so I’m really happy that this is one of them. The experience is great, but the money is just Parmesan cheese on my pizza (yeah, I went there.)
While I was at the keep America Beautiful Cleanup a couple weeks ago, one of the organizer’s husband approached me about an internship. I’m currently staying up-to-date on that one too. I have guaranteed work for the spring, summer, and this new opportunity.

Last Thursday, my friend and I were asked to participate in a round table with Senator Blumenthal (One of CT’s senators), with a focus on reinstating previous effective labor laws, and job readiness programs. I was really honored that I was one of the two chosen to speak on behalf of my peers.

I’m doing the makeup for a theatrical rendition of Monster by Walter Dean Myers. It’s not a glamorous story, so no sparkles. More like, making someone look pale, sickly, inserting a mole, a scar - that sort of thing.

I’m actually sticking to this exercising thing. At first my body was like, “girl, sitchoo ass down and have a twinkie,” (never had one, and don’t plan on it) but I started getting into it again. I play Tennis every chance I get. It’s so sad to see no one using those new courts. They are so…new…and beautiful.

My birthday is coming up, and I dunno, I’m excited. It’s different this time, a good different.

I haven’t always been as aggressive as I should’ve been when opportunities were presented, but I’m truly grateful that I’m able to take advantage of what has been given. I don’t think they could’ve come at a better time.

Peace

Peace to everything
No, not a goodbye
More of an amends
Peace to all the feelings of inadequacy
Utter confusion, and white noise
Time eludes us all, and I don't have much time to..worry
It's always the right time to...live
No, the time is not tomorrow
It's now
No laying on the pillow 'till morning, waiting for the cold side to caress cheekbones
Be still, peace

Scrafs, scarfs, and more scarfs

I really do love scarfs. Especilly scarfs used as head wraps, and muslins. I just love loose fabrics on me. I'm actually looking for lightweight summer-y fabrics.

Thrifting

Earlier, I went thirfting for the first time. I didn't get a lot of things, but what I did buy is lovely. I think what you have to remember when you go thirfting is not to expect too much. I had high expectations. I was a slightly disappointed when I didn't find anything at the first location except a lovely necklace. The second place I found a cool medallion and a lavender cardigan. And the third place, nada. A lot of what I saw looked old, and not the vintage old. There was nothing that I would wear, and if I had any interest in it, it was too small. I'm trying to see if there's any other stores in my area that is geared towards younger people.

So it wasn't a complete disappointment. What I did buy, I like. I wish I could upload pictures, but my laptop doesn't connect to my wireless and you can't upload on an iPad.

Lace DIY

Two days ago, I had a little DIY fun. I bought the black lace top a couple weeks ago, but I put it in the dryer and it shrunk. I didn't want to just leave it in my closet collecting dust, so I decided to attach it to my lace-backed cardigan. It involved a lot of cutting, and measuring, and whatnot. After I took this picture, I realized that I needed to loosen a stitch. And a new camera. My webcam has been through so much, lol. My paid internship is near. Nice things will be mine again.