Where To?

A couple days ago I had a small frenzy attack about the future. I won't call it a panic attack, because it was more of a million things going through my mind. I feel as if educators, family, and friends force us to pick one career interest, focus on it, and block everything else out. That will probably work if you're only interested in one thing, or don't know what you like. Well, it's different for me. I know what I want, and my interests scope a lot of things. I like Journalism. I've been liking Journalism forever, and I used to watch CNN and Christiane Amanpour religiously. I have deep interests in world events and that's the driving force in me wanting to be an International Correspondent. But, the things is, I like cooking, I'm currently focused on law, writing, I like creating things, and I like makeup, among so many other things. Yes, there is an hierarchy when it come to my interests, but I enjoy all these things.

Over the past few months, I feel like others have been trying to say you have to choose. A kinda this or that type of thing. While I know it is hectic to try and do a million things at once. But I don't want to throw anything aside.

What I am going to do now is, be focused and motivated. Be focused on school. Trying to get myself in different circles. Meet new people. And have different experiences. School is definitely annoying but I need it to get me where I want to be.

"Winter Surf"

This is the color that I painted my room. I was inspired by China Glaze's "For Audrey". Initially, I was going to get a color closer to "For Audrey", but after bringing that color and a similar turquoise one, I decided on "Winter Surf". I like the outcome, a lot. My brother took this awkward picture soon after I'd finished painting. My eyes are closed, and I feel like my legs were going to buckle from being on my feet for so long lol.

Anyway, I've decided to redecorate my room step by step, rather than everything at once. One, I don't have the money to, and two, rearranging furniture is tiring. But, I do love this TLC type stuff. It's so fun! I can't wait until I get more frames for the artwork.

So, I was definitely being a punk. I stopped using the make up I was using, and washed my face with my homemade concoction and a cocunot milk face wash that's from the Vitamin Shoppe. My skin is TONS clearer, and smoother. I think is was those couple times I slept with my make up on plus the peeling skin that just didn't work together.

I'm actually smiling at myself that I was really about to go to the dermatologist. Wow, talk about dramatic.

I don't even know where to start...
A couple weeks ago I noticed that my skin started breaking out. I've never had flawless skin, but the most skin issue I've ever had is a pimple here and there. People complimented me on my skin saying it's radiant and has a natural glow. However, I think it was about two to four weeks ago that I noticed that my cheeks started getting blotchy and kind of rash-looking. It's only my cheeks and my right cheek is the more affected one.

I have no idea what the cause of this break out is. I've never had anything like it. I don't know if it's a skin irritation problem, stress, a product, or something completely different. I started using a very light sensitive skin foundation, which I barely use, and I've concluded that it's not the problem because the irritation started before it. However, I've stopped using the foundation. I'm also a new vegetarian, so I don't know if it has something to do with my lessened protein intake, or something related. I hope it isn't because it would just give my mother more ammo for combatting my "lifestyle".

This morning I woke up to see my face looking extremely dry and rough. Maybe this was completely shallow, but I panicked and started researching natural remedies immediately. I mixed sugar, lemon, coffee grinds, pure olive oil in a bowl and used about a tablespoon to exfoliate my face. It worked. My face was feeling softer and looking fresh after.

Right now my ckeeks are still looking rash-like. I can see the smooth portion of skin peeling away. I always wash my face with something mild, so once again it's not lack of face-washing. Maybe it's because of one of those nights that I forgot to take my make up off properly. Whatever the case, if it continues for another two or so days, I'm going to the dermatologist.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being really shallow for being so dramatic. But, I have to say it has been gradual, and I kind of ignored it. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal to others, but I notice it. I've always said that beauty is indeed skin deep, and I think this is the time for me to believe it more than ever before. I feel like God is testing me. Physically, I've never really been taken out of my comfort zone. I have to remain confident. This isn't life-altering, so I should probably stop being a punk and chill out. If this is a test, I'm ready. No make up.

Once again, I'm waiting for my nails to dry. I've decided to finally turn my room into an art gallery. I've been meaning to for awhile now. I'm working on my creative writing. Looking for inspiration - whether it's fashion, writing, poetry, visual art, cooking, anything. The snow has melted, so my spirits are definitely up. I regained momentum again for my "toning plan". I'm going to go to Zumba classes more and start jogging again now that we actually have sidewalks. I'm just ready for my internship to start. Things are going good, and I'm hoping that it continues to be as positive and uplifting as it has been.

This is the skirt that I took a picture of while I was in the dressing room. I sometimes send a picture to my friend to get her opinion because she's the fashionista, lol.

http://plixi.com/p/78696471#

One-winged Social Butterfly

One of my self-improvement goals was to be more social. I have no problem going to law offices and talking to different officials, because it's almost mandatory due to my school, but when it comes to socializing with my friends, it feels like so much work.

I have no problem being in a social setting. I converse easily, and don't mind being around a large group of people. I think my problem is the time leading up to the social gathering. I'll be home comfortable, relaxed, and it just seems like so much work getting dressed, confirming plans, and finally executing it. I don't know about other people's friends, but my friends are terribly indecisive. The time I spend trying to get a clear answer on time, location, and dress code is just tiring. After going through all of that, I don't want to go out anymore.

They say if you really want to go somewhere, then you'll go. I don't know. Maybe my love for solitude is preventing me from being social. Or maybe I'm so tired on the weekends that I've convinced myself to just be an herb. Whatver it is, I'm trying to snap out of it. I'm not trying to have events define me, but I'd hate to look back five years from now, and see that I did nothing but read, eat, sleep, and interacted only when it was necessary. I should enjoy my friends and have memorable moments connected with them. I'm just thinking about how I bought an outfit for a local university fashion show last week, and now I have the perfect pencil skirt with the lace detailing on the belt, that is now unworn.

It's past time I snap out of it.